I feel fat and disgusting. Here I am, normally believing that I must pretend to be what I want to be and it will happen (like The Secret teaches), but I feel I need a dose of reality here. I have shown zero willpower when it comes to food, exercise, and liquor. What good is setting goals/promises if I have no willpower to follow through? Something’s gotta give.
Tonight, I will pray. I will get on my knees and ask my higher power, whatever that may be, to help me. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
I will pray for the courage to wake up early. I will pray for the strength to pray in the morning. I will pray for the persistence in seeing my goals through to fruition.
Now, in order for that to happen, I need to actually have goals. I will write them down. I will rank them. I will give myself deadlines. I will review daily. I will pray for the drive to move towards them and I will meditate to listen for the answers.
Who am I praying to? I don’t know. I don’t know who “God” is. I don’t know who is listening externally, or if prayer is something that is good for us because we are speaking to something internally: whether that be a soul or a subconscious mind. Regardless, if it wasn’t something beneficial, would it have gained such a following over the years? Clearly this stuff works for some people some of the time. We may not understand why, but it is sort of like the placebo effect. There have been cases where a sugar pill has cured certain ailments in some people. The doctors say, “Oh, that’s just the placebo effect,” totally dismissing the fact that something was actually cured. It may not have been cured at the same success rate as the actual medical pill, but it was still cured. That is proof of the power of our minds and bodies. Just because we don’t understand it, we not only often ignore it, but we refer to it as “Just” the placebo effect. Just because we don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. So, some prayers are answered, some are not. Purely happenstance? Possibly, possibly not. The answer doesn’t have to be that there is a God. The answer could be that the belief in God is beneficial. The answer could be that praying the correct way is hypnotic and we are placing subliminal messages into our subconscious. The answer is unknown, but the results are often there.
Funny how, while seeking enlightenment, I had abandoned prayer all together. I saw the faults in religion and applied them to everything associated with religion. Suddenly, I’m becoming more spiritual and hopefully more “awake” and I am beginning to see that the basic message of the religions has been exactly what I’m looking for. Unfortunately, man has stuck his dirty hands in it, and we now have to re-interpret everything. To dismiss everything associated with my former church would be throwing out the baby with the bathwater.
I promise to work towards being a good partner, a good employee, a good pet owner, and a good friend. I promise to pray, meditate, and journal everyday. I promise to look for the light in everything.